So Chris preached on family on Sunday 22nd October. Quoting a modern translation of Proverbs he said, “Don’t fail to correct your children. They won’t die if you smack them.” Proverb 23:13 New Living Translation
Well, I confess to having smacked my girls when they were little, but I do believe this passage points to something beyond smacking. The real issue is understanding that loving discipline is vital for our children. It teaches that there is a right and a wrong and that there are consequences to both. As parents God’s book makes us responsible to do this in a loving and constructive atmosphere. In fact, if we don’t, the Bible says we are disowning our children. See Hebrews 12:9-11
Looking back, I regret resorting to smacking as a short cut to better more imaginitive and patient discipline. But I don’t regret loving them well enough to discipline them and giving them lots of big hugs and telling them in three simple words, “I love you!”
Nice post. Well balanced.
Discipline is important.
Love is more important.
Discipline is only effective if it comes out of love. Actually I think I would go further than that. If discipline doesn’t come out of love, then it’s not discipline it’s something else – manipulation.
Ah ha! I knew quoting Proverbs 23:13 from the NLT would get a response!!
A couple of weeks after preaching this message (which as I only have 4 kids, 9 and under, I preached with a pair of L-Plates round my neck) I was approached by someone new to the church and asked “So what is the church’s position on smacking? I’m not sure I want to be part of a church that encourages parents to beat their kids.” Having heard this passsage read, it struck me that the rest of what I went on to say had got lost in the emotion of the word “smacking”.
Having quoted from this verse, I went on to say that what is important is that we discipline our kids so that they grow up to know boundaries, and acceptable/unacceptable behaviour. Whether you choose to smack or not is between you and God, but there is a world of difference between a tap on the hand and a thrashing with a belt. In the case of the latter, as a Pastor I would want to take that parent aside and challenge them in love to consider going on a parenting course. At the end of the day, if we are disciplining our kids having lost it, we as the parent are out of control, and our discipline is not being conducted in love.
And this is what led me to the main heart and thrust of my message, and what I wanted to say. As parents, there are times when we have all got it wrong, and in today’s world there are so many pressures to measure up to everyone else’s idea of the perfect parent. I wanted to restore parents who felt that they had failed. To admit that we crossed the line, and allow our Father God to forgive and heal us as his children, is a wonderful, loving opportunity.
As parents, let’s not be afraid to apologise to our kids when we get it wrong, and let them see repentance demonstrated. (incidentally, this comment resulted in someone else coming to me and saying “I would never apologise to my kids – I think it sends them the wrong signals.”)
What do you think?